The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
