I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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