I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
