so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
