is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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