I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
