Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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