you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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