If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm always down for nudity.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
