no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
