3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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