In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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