we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
