remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
