Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
