note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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