Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'd cum for enchiladas.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
