i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
