So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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