i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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