I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
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i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
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