Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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