he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
