I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
