I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
