And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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