hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
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Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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