fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
