I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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