Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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