I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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