he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
