yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
