I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
