if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
