she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
