In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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