Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize