When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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