I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
honey bunches of taint.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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