Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
