i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
