we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
