I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
why is half of my head shaved?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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