So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
