Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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