You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
