we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
