my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We're too hungover to prance.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
