My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
FUCK WHALES
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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