Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
