from now on my penis is your penis
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you will always have a special place in my vag
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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