i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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