just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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