I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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