So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
