Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
