i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
