She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
