My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
