I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
