she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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