I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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