sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
