I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
