I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
