Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
