I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
As shirtless as possible
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
