grandma shit on top of the toilet
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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