so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
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I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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