Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.