We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me