I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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