Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize