Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace