She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
