george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
