I wannas sexs uuuuu
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
